The good...the bad...the ugly....

Well....swimming didn't happen.  Kind of realized my only decent fitting swimsuit was left in MI at Christmas time.  Lame excuse....but it's for real.  The situation has been remedied (thank you Lands End....they have the best suits for trying to hide a bit of belly!!) and we have before us a brand new week. 

Woohoo.

I didn't make it to the gym even once.... I thought about it a bazillion times.  

I drank more soda than what is ever necessary.

That's about it for the bad and the ugly.  

Now for the good.... :)

I bought a jump rope.  AND I used it!!!  Pushed the couch out of the way and jumped in our great room.  Good times.  In cross fit there is a type of jump called a double under.  It's beyond hard....I think so at least.  My goal is to do it at least once in the next 4 months.  

I also did the whole plank thing...totally sucks.  But....I got up to a whopping 45 seconds.  Not bad considering....

This week I plan to get my pathetic self to the gym.  Tomorrow I have to volunteer....so it's going to be short cardio and strength stuff.  Then on Tuesday....pool time along with cardio and strength.  

My goal for April is to lose 5 pounds.  And to stop drinking soda (should make the 5lbs easy to lose!!!).  

I think part of my starting to live quest for this week...is to get stuff out of my house that doesn't make me happy.  The type of stuff that brings me down...junk.  I've started to hate clutter in my "old" age.  The thought of getting a huge dumpster and just purging all the extra crap in our home....HUGE appeal!  We're not hoarders or anything...we've just accumulated too much stuff.  

It's a new week....and I will do better.  I will!!! :)

Getting real....

A New Beginning

I have realized as of late that I'm simply existing in this life...not actually living. I make excuses....many of them justified in my own mind.  

...I might fail

...what will people think?

...I have no support

...I'm wasting both time and effort

Ultimately, the list could go on.

In 2010 I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  Thankfully this is considered the "rolls Royce" of cancer for a reason.  It wasn't an easy road...still isn't...but considering the other cancer *options* out there...I was lucky.  I've been considered disease free since April of 2012.  My health has never quite been the same as it was in years past.  This depresses me to no end.  My energy is gone...fatigue is my new best friend.  I'm the highest weight I've ever been....including all three pregnancies.  I'm mentally not as sharp as I once was (oh the jokes that could be made!!!!).

I've simply been existing for the last few years.  Just getting through another day is my constant goal.  Pathetic.

I've had a bit of a mind-shift as of late.  I'm a person who whole heartedly believes in God and the gospel.  My life is a gift and shouldn't be wasted on what ifs or what could've beens.  I need to start living again.  Taking each day and living it to the best I can possibly give it.  

So my first of many changes...embracing health.  Through healthy eating and a commitment to exercise consistently.  This is very outside my comfort zone...this whole exercise thing.  I didn't grow up in an overly active family.  I played sports in high school....but not after.  Now I'm on the cusp of turning 40 and needing to change terrible habits that have crept in over time.  

I have such a huge fear of failure.  

But....I'm going to do this.  It starts tomorrow.  I'm going to swim.  Getting over the fear of the bathing suit....it's real.  I hate what my body has become...but I will change it.  

So this blog....is a way to stay accountable.  A way to track my progress.  A place to share my thoughts, fears, successes, and failures (I'm sure they will happen....it's inevitable).  A view into my heart....my mind.   Maybe I'll add pics...maybe not.  All I know is that I'm tired of existing...and it's time to make a change!