A New Beginning
I have realized as of late that I'm simply existing in this life...not actually living. I make excuses....many of them justified in my own mind.
...I might fail
...what will people think?
...I have no support
...I'm wasting both time and effort
Ultimately, the list could go on.
In 2010 I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Thankfully this is considered the "rolls Royce" of cancer for a reason. It wasn't an easy road...still isn't...but considering the other cancer *options* out there...I was lucky. I've been considered disease free since April of 2012. My health has never quite been the same as it was in years past. This depresses me to no end. My energy is gone...fatigue is my new best friend. I'm the highest weight I've ever been....including all three pregnancies. I'm mentally not as sharp as I once was (oh the jokes that could be made!!!!).
I've simply been existing for the last few years. Just getting through another day is my constant goal. Pathetic.
I've had a bit of a mind-shift as of late. I'm a person who whole heartedly believes in God and the gospel. My life is a gift and shouldn't be wasted on what ifs or what could've beens. I need to start living again. Taking each day and living it to the best I can possibly give it.
So my first of many changes...embracing health. Through healthy eating and a commitment to exercise consistently. This is very outside my comfort zone...this whole exercise thing. I didn't grow up in an overly active family. I played sports in high school....but not after. Now I'm on the cusp of turning 40 and needing to change terrible habits that have crept in over time.
I have such a huge fear of failure.
But....I'm going to do this. It starts tomorrow. I'm going to swim. Getting over the fear of the bathing suit....it's real. I hate what my body has become...but I will change it.
So this blog....is a way to stay accountable. A way to track my progress. A place to share my thoughts, fears, successes, and failures (I'm sure they will happen....it's inevitable). A view into my heart....my mind. Maybe I'll add pics...maybe not. All I know is that I'm tired of existing...and it's time to make a change!
